Interesting Psychology Article

Interesting read I happened upon – nothing ground breaking but presents at the end some interesting scientific research into what is effectively sub space and Dom space. As a Dom and Martial Artist and Zen student / teacher I found it fascinating that Dom enters “flow” which is a focus state of mind. Similar to that attained in martial arts.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-wide-wide-world-psychology/201502/the-surprising-psychology-bdsm

 

Keeping the Respect and Dynamic Alive – Errors Many Couple Make

So my Pretty Girl and I were having a downtime discussion last evening. She wore her lovely cute pink dress with frill socks and heels to please me and experiment with “little” attitudes. We are experimenting with dress to enhance the Dom and sub roles during conversations to engender the tender caring Dominant nature and submissiveness which avoids conflict. It worked a treat!.

Pretty Girl came to a few realisations herself which I had already understood but it was so lovely to see her work them out for herself – namely that the control really exists with the submissive in a way – as she chooses to give / surrender control.

Anyway – we ended up talking about a really common situation which must exist for so many couples – vanilla or D/s. We went to a masked ball recently and I bought her a new dress and heels. She absolutely loved them and felt proud to wear them. She said that she looked around the room and could not see a single dress or outfit she would rather be wearing. That made me feel proud that I had chosen well and she enjoyed wearing my choice.

A common scenario for many might be where a lady is indecisive about which dress to wear to dinner etc. Which outfit to choose? Go on girls, we all know some of you spend an hour or longer (how about all afternoon I hear some of you say!) trying them on again and again and again. You ask your man – which does he think you should wear?

Continue reading Keeping the Respect and Dynamic Alive – Errors Many Couple Make

When It Feels Impossible!

So two days ago I hit a real low. My Pretty Girl and I are working through difficult times and trying to establish our own unique blend of D/s. Naturally I am a leader and a teacher and a guide and mentor – in many domains of my life. From ancient zen wisdom comes the expression “I shall teach you to the best of your ability”.  Now I appreciate that has the potential to sound phenomenally arrogant – until we stop and think and realise that when it comes with love and humility it is really beautiful and makes a good teacher. We can easily drown someone by sharing knowledge which above their ability to assimilate – too big a step from their current level of understanding. One would not deliver a PhD lecture to an undergraduate! That would be egotistical and showing off potentially. Or at the very least failing to be a good teacher and understand that your job is to teach by taking them just one step further than where they are, with an occasional well judged leap.

Continue reading When It Feels Impossible!

Zen And The Art Of BDSM

What is Zen? Well most people see it as Buddhist. Well of course buddhists have Zen within their teachings and thinkings but really Zen is an indeterminable thing. It can be described as the art of thought. The study of life and of the way of things. The study of “The Way”. For me it is a lifelong journey into self understanding. The more we study ourselves the more we enter a peaceful state, we have a greater sensory awareness, greater emotional awareness, become more connected to our heart, soul, spirit, essence of our very being – however you choose to view such matters. For a little over a decade I have studied zen and self very actively. It has transformed me in a way, and yet of course it has not changed me at all – merely revealed a purer form of me. Less filtered by the masks we all wear to protect and define ourselves. I am merely a beginner really. It is a life’s work. There is no end to growth and self understanding. There have been some significant steps of enlightenment along the way, gates through which one passes from which one can never ever return. Life takes on new dimensions. Sights, sounds, extra senses – a sea of energy which connects us all. Feeling people in a new way. A deep sensual connection to all living things.

Continue reading Zen And The Art Of BDSM

Schoolgirl Fantasy

So I believe that the most common male roleplay fantasy is Schoolgirl. If it is not the highest then it certainly is high up the list and sales of schoolgirl uniforms probably outstrip any other uniform / roleplay outfit.

I pondered upon this as it has always been a big favourite of mine. As I enjoy understanding myself and have chosen a zen journey of self discovery and have interests in psychology I began to make connections between my penchant for schoolgirl uniforms / roleplays in our bedroom play and the whole sexual psychology thing and my Dominant nature. There are those who believe and suggest that this comes from males first sexual awakening coming around the time of being at school and, who were the females to which they were attracted….. the schoolgirls they saw every day. I can go with that. So why do girls often not get off seeing their husband as a schoolboy in uniform! (I am sure do enjoy this but I think you see my point – no?) It is common for girls to like older boys or girls – perhaps because we know that girls tend to mature physically and emotionally rather sooner than boys and often find boys really immature and irritating. Hence perhaps they prefer the older guy. This is often true of adult women. Continue reading Schoolgirl Fantasy

Contrasts

Somehow I am drawn to contrasts. Perhaps we all are – who knows – feel free to comment if you have a view on this. I am interested to know others views on this. Maybe it is to do with greater sensory and emotional stimulus. A richer existence. As a zen student and student of the gift of life I seek out a wider richer experience of existence. Most of us live very ordinary lives and there is nothing wrong with that but don’t they say variety is the spice of life?! Anyone who knows about “normal distribution” curves or the “Bell curve” will understand when I that we mostly live in the central band – safe and comfortable. But – the places in our existence to the left and the right – now why not go there – especially if we move from one to the other – a powerful contrast.

Pain and spankings and deep submission to profoundly loving aftercare perhaps, rough sexual play versus intense sensual experiences such as shibari and erotic sensual massage and stimulatory layering. A much fuller experience of our existence. Continue reading Contrasts

Ownership and Belonging

To many the idea of being “owned” seems abhorrent. Now, don’t get me wrong – we own nobody. I get that. However there is truly something beautiful about feeling like we truly belong to a person. To me, the protective caring part of me loves to feel like I know that I “own” my Pretty Girl. Of course – I can only own a gift which is freely given to me.  I remember when I first came across the expression “The Gift of Submission”.  It is a loop. A feedback loop between a Dom and His sub – she must feel safe and secure and trusting that she desires to give herself and hand over responsibilities, her body etc to her Dominant. He needs to feel that ownership and ability to care and deep down she seeks that protective strong Dominant man . And hence the work of each party is upon themselves – the Dom to make Himself worthy of her submission,  and the sub to allow herself to meet His needs such that He can step up to the plate to be worthy. Continue reading Ownership and Belonging

First I should say hello

I suppose I should start with a humble hello. I am just an ordinary man but one who loves to share and give and help where he can. Writing is a powerful way for me to output my thoughts and so far on my journey in discovery of my Dominance and the powerful potential for aspects of Dominance and submissive psychology in creating a more harmonious and special relationship within a long term relationship or marriage.

So, how did it all start. Continue reading First I should say hello