Keeping the Respect and Dynamic Alive – Errors Many Couple Make

So my Pretty Girl and I were having a downtime discussion last evening. She wore her lovely cute pink dress with frill socks and heels to please me and experiment with “little” attitudes. We are experimenting with dress to enhance the Dom and sub roles during conversations to engender the tender caring Dominant nature and submissiveness which avoids conflict. It worked a treat!.

Pretty Girl came to a few realisations herself which I had already understood but it was so lovely to see her work them out for herself – namely that the control really exists with the submissive in a way – as she chooses to give / surrender control.

Anyway – we ended up talking about a really common situation which must exist for so many couples – vanilla or D/s. We went to a masked ball recently and I bought her a new dress and heels. She absolutely loved them and felt proud to wear them. She said that she looked around the room and could not see a single dress or outfit she would rather be wearing. That made me feel proud that I had chosen well and she enjoyed wearing my choice.

A common scenario for many might be where a lady is indecisive about which dress to wear to dinner etc. Which outfit to choose? Go on girls, we all know some of you spend an hour or longer (how about all afternoon I hear some of you say!) trying them on again and again and again. You ask your man – which does he think you should wear?

Common response 1: He says – wear the Blue one sweetie. I really like it and you haven’t worn it in a while and I have  a blue shirt on so we will look great together. Man goes down stairs to wait and then she comes down wearing the black one. What message does this send to him? She does not respect his decision. His opinion does not matter. She isn’t listening. She thinks she knows better etc etc.  He will then be hurt potentially and feel less inclined to offer advice again. If he is a Dominant male then he will feel his power is squashed. It might even lead to next occasion him saying, “Why bother asking me – you never listen anyway”,  and a breakdown in the dynamic and respect occurs.

Common response 2: She asks for his advice and he says, ” Oh God I dunno, wear either one, I don’t really care which one you wear. Taxi is coming in 10 minutes just get ready / hurry up!”  What does this say? He doesn’t care. She is not valued enough to look her best and make her feel special and him proud. She may be hurt and will next time retreat into independent decision making which may damage the dynamic and he will feel like they are 2 separate people instead of a couple.

If you choose the blue one and she comes down wearing it then she is saying I respect your decision and seek your approval and want to please you, he will feel listened too, feel he has the control he seeks as the Dominant, she will feel protected and cared for and important because he chose for her so she matters, he cares. A proud bonded couple go out for dinner.

But Pretty Girl raised a good point: “But Daddy, what if I tried on the blue dress and maybe it didn’t fit too well at the moment if she had lost weight? What if she tried it on and didn’t feel comfortable?

I said, “That’s easy baby girl” ( we have a couple of titles for each other). If you came down wearing the other one and said ” Sorry Sir / Daddy. I know you asked me to wear the blue one but when I tried it on I found it doesn’t fit me too well right now and I want to look my best for you and want to feel comfortable and pretty. Would you mind if I wore this one please Sir?” Of course I would respond, “That’s fine baby girl – I want you to feel comfortable and your best so of course that’s fine. You look stunning in that one too. Thank you for asking.”

Everyone has a lovely evening and the dynamic is maintained.

Now of course there might be situations where you wish to exert your dominance or you might be trying to help your baby girl overcome self doubt or body image issues and so might request that you see her in the blue dress and realise she looks great in it and insist that she wears that one as instructed. Again this needs to be discussed before and almost be a need of the sub to want you to help them overcome uncertainty and doubt. Nobody wants to take their girl out feeling silly. If we are pushing a few boundaries we may need to encourage them to leave the house in more edgy clothing but this is a more specific situation.

Enjoy your clothing instruction folks!

 

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8 thoughts on “Keeping the Respect and Dynamic Alive – Errors Many Couple Make

    1. I often don’t realize in the moment I can speak up if I word it respectfully. I have worn something I was uncomfortable in because he picked it out and I did not want to disrespect him. Unfortunately that usually just makes me at least slightly cranky.
      I think in the moment I know that I cannot and should not react in my old usual way but I just can’t see a better approach.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for this lovely comment. My feeling is, (and of course I make no claim to be an expert here, we are all just learning and sharing and helping each other), that perhaps a solution lies in the final part of my post – how you are able to respond to Him if you don’t feel comfortable. The point here is not that you should always feel you must do as He instructs. Or at least not in my view – unless you are as I suggest, trying to help her push boundaries which you have mutually agreed are beneficial to challenge and evolve.The job of the Dominant is to make sure you both feel special and valued. Part of that should be Him ensuring you feel pretty and comfortable and special in what you are wearing, whilst still ensuring He likes it. If I really don’t like a piece of clothing then perhaps my sub can wear this when she is at work or out when I am not there perhaps. If she likes it but it is not what I think she looks good in with me then that might be a way around it. Also – I am sure that, if you chose the alternative dress option as in my last point, them you could go to Him and say,”I realise you suggested the blue dress but I don’t feel it fits too well or you don’t feel good in it at the moment because you don’t have a tan or whatever. I want to please you and you to feel proud with me when I am with you, would you mind if I wore the black one this evening for you” I would suggest He should sense your discomfort and therefore, given His job is to ensure you feel like His princess, that He should respond favourably. Does this make sense? Hope it helps. Perhaps discuss with your Dom together. I am sure you would look great in either by the way!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Love this! I’ve had moments before (Far in the past when there was a “He”) where I didn’t feel quite comfortable or pretty in what was laid out for me, but I often found that if I focused on how He looked at me in it, I grew more confident and felt prettier. Self-doubt can be terrible, but only if we let it. A happy day to You!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comment. I think that’s beautiful. My Pretty Girl and I feel that it depends upon the situation. If it is to be worn at home in private then I may have greater power to force her to wear whatever. If kids are around then we need to be respectful and discrete.
      If we are out to dinner then she must feel pretty, comfortable and special. Remember the feedback loop always: He should want to to feel special and for me that means you must look your best and feel good yourself. so if you must say you don’t feel your best for Him then that is important. That will manifest in you feeling respected which should mean you adore Him in return. So He gets to feel special. It is not about topping from the bottom! It a dynamic and a loop – feed each other.
      There may be times such as you speak of where perhaps our job as the Dom is to encourage you to overcome body image issues or self doubt and it is tough sometimes for the Dom to know when to push something for your own good. That is the point – it is always about what is for YOUR good, in YOUR best interests. Not just about what He wants and for Him to exert His will upon you – that is domineering.
      Thanks for your follow and contribution

      Liked by 1 person

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