Zen And The Art Of BDSM

What is Zen? Well most people see it as Buddhist. Well of course buddhists have Zen within their teachings and thinkings but really Zen is an indeterminable thing. It can be described as the art of thought. The study of life and of the way of things. The study of “The Way”. For me it is a lifelong journey into self understanding. The more we study ourselves the more we enter a peaceful state, we have a greater sensory awareness, greater emotional awareness, become more connected to our heart, soul, spirit, essence of our very being – however you choose to view such matters. For a little over a decade I have studied zen and self very actively. It has transformed me in a way, and yet of course it has not changed me at all – merely revealed a purer form of me. Less filtered by the masks we all wear to protect and define ourselves. I am merely a beginner really. It is a life’s work. There is no end to growth and self understanding. There have been some significant steps of enlightenment along the way, gates through which one passes from which one can never ever return. Life takes on new dimensions. Sights, sounds, extra senses – a sea of energy which connects us all. Feeling people in a new way. A deep sensual connection to all living things.

For those seasoned BDSM readers and people who might have called themselves sensual dominants and those seeking the intimacy brought about by living 24/7 D/s lifestyles this might already be starting to click. When we are born, we are so pure. It is why we all love the feel of a new baby. Their energy, spirit somehow seems so pure and bright and light. From the moment of birth, maybe even before, we are al subject to conditioning – from societal norms, expectations, family and parental behaviours, our environment. This immediately changes our being. Yet while still small we are little bundles of love and creative energy. We love the scribbles of a child – say they are amazing. We are genuinely in awe of a scribble! But then starts judgement, comparison. Necessary in life, like so many things. But we must then learn to acquire prickles to protect us. Necessary evils. But for so many of us we begin to lose sight of who we really are. Lose that special connection to deep inside ourselves and to others. For some of us that voice inside never dies away and shouts and kicks and screams inside us saying it is not happy being locked away. We want to live our truth. Part of our angst as teenagers I think is feeling that connection slip away and falling into convention and “fitting in”. Fears: fear of being judged and fear of consequences of being true to who we are, start to pile upon us. Later in our lives we begin to suffer if we hide our truth too long and the voice and fire is still burning fiercely. I struggled in my work 12-13 years ago – in my early 30’s – I knew I had to change things and do things how I believed they should be done. And I was already self-employed with greater freedom and control than most in employed positions. My work is vocational and I love it. It feeds my soul. To be able to make a difference to other human beings is the greatest gift I could receive. Yet still I felt retrained by conventions and how people might view me doing things outside the norm.

In recent years I began to explore D/s in terms of kink and sexual play but also in terms of how living it 24/7 in some way seems to bring about a closeness, an intimacy, a tranquility, peace, respect and harmony in a marriage. Like all things, when we begin to examine them they overlap. Psychology, anthropology, zen, relationship counseling advice, wisdoms from the D/s lifestyle. They are all the same in a way. They all find ways of accessing the deepest most intimate and true parts of ourselves. The rituals of BDSM create Pavlovian type responses within us. The three pillars of BDSM – trust, respect and communication.  Sounds like pretty good relationship advice to me! The communication and respect agreements set in place by D/s contracts / arrangements prevent people throwing stones inside the fragile greenhouse of our hearts. The zen process helps us clean glass of our greenhouse inside and out. Remove the ivy and creepers which have taken hold from lack of regular maintenance of our mind. Zen – press ups for the mind. Once clean, the light shines in and warms inside the greenhouse. When we fuel the fire within then light and warmth shines out – for others to feel. That joy and pure love we felt in the baby we held earlier. Or when we sit next to people of great spirituality.

To share deeply and welcome someone deeply into the greenhouse of our heart and soul requires trust. Trust that they will respect it. Protect and cherish it like their own. If they throw stones in glasshouse we will hurt, never trust again perhaps. kindness towards each other, the respectful communication set out in so many D/s dynamics is so critical for the trust and deep spiritual bond between a Dom and His sub. Frankly between any two human beings closely connected. The snipes, the back biting, the sarcasms, the impatient anger and frustration. All so damaging, so destructive. Hence the work of a Dom is upon Himself to be able to create the strong, calm, collected, compassionate, loving, forgiving nature required for His sub to feel safe to submit. Her work is the same, but in this direction it is to ensure she does not become masculine in her energy so disrespecting Him and challenging Him or hurting Him, to not emasculate Him.

Compassion, removal of inner fears, non judgement, Love, forgiveness, self knowledge and growth, self awareness, reduction of the ego, development of mind,  learning new perspectives and humility…. and so much more. Now doesn’t that sound like Zen?

Subspace: with the trust and structure the 24/7 structure can bring comes an ability for each other to feel fulfilled, safe to be open and express ourselves without fears of hurt of judgement. Next then perhaps comes impact play and bondage or shibari (a japanese/Samurai creation coinicidentally) – a further stripping away of the ego – taking us back to the raw “us”. Subs, and sometimes Doms enter a space which I believe to be akin to meditational states one accesses thro japanese sword, tai chi, movement arts. Any high focus art – archery, paintind, music – anything one can “lose” ones-self in. Think about it – losing ones self: losing our outer egoic form. Pretty Zen huh?

The beauty of sensual moments. That deep love. when I could cry as I perform shibari. 2 souls connecting. Beauty. And who said BDSM was abusive – forgive them…… for they know not what they say.

2 thoughts on “Zen And The Art Of BDSM

  1. This relationship has given me acceptance of who I am. I have never really felt like I fit in and that no longer carries as much weight. I am a work in progress but I know he loves all of me. That acceptance has brought me peace and makes me feel safe to keep revealing more. I said to him the other night This just feels right.

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